You drive a Subaru just in case the bridge is out and you need to cross the river. Flannel is your fabric of choice. Avocado toast is your breakfast of champions. I made the I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet just for you.

This modern mustard-like color fits perfectly into your lumberjack lifestyle even though the only lumber you might acquire is from a big box store that you struggle to get home because all you own is that little Subaru.

You joined CrossFit six months ago and you look absolutely incredible. That is from chopping and hauling wood. Specifically from carrying that armful of wood from the back steps to the wood stove every weekend. You ordered it pre-split and paid extra to have it stacked but just the sight of that pile every morning makes your muscles bulge with a pride that cannot be explained to people who have never lived this close to the land.

You may have bought your jeans with rips already in them, and the grease stains on your shirt are from olive oil, but your butt will never be cleaner because you will be packin' a Holey Hiker I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is better than setting up camp, finding a spot to use your I Wanna Be a Lumberjack Bidet, and then coming back to camp to enjoy a jar of your own home brewed Kombucha. It's the epitome of outdoor bliss.

And here's the clincher: it's my wife's favorite color, adding an extra layer of approval to this must-have accessory for your car camping adventures. When she approved the color I knew we had something special.

Now, I know what you might be thinking as you glance at the picture. "Isn't this just the Holey Hiker Backpacking Bidet?" But take a closer look because it's customized just for you. It's the same bidet with a different soul.